It has been a while since my last post. About 10 days ago M and I signed the divorce papers. I’m grateful that we managed to untangle ourselves without much more drama. Unfortunately, I spent all of last week just being sad and moping around my life.
Last week, while overwhelmed with sadness, I wrote a letter to the people at Elder Wisdom Circle, a nonprofit organization designed to connect people with free advice from Elders. Early this week, I received of the kindest letters I have ever read, so I thought I would share some of its wisdom with you guys:
“…What happens to us, D@25, when we experience something so traumatic in our lives is we sort of hit rock bottom for a while. It’s a known fact that the only direction to travel upon hitting rock bottom is “up.” […] I decided to make what happened to me become a journey of self-discovery. I dug deep and took endlessly long walks in solitude. There is much to be said for feeling the fresh air on your skin while also getting good cleansing exercise. It opens your mind and gives you clarity of thought. I also decided to turn to God for some answers and what happened was a sort of spiritual regrowth. I slowly began feeling a sense of peace in my life and found new interests and activities.
The human spirit is quite resilient and reminds us how strong we are. You are a much stronger woman than you yet know and it is through these trials and periods of despair in our lives that we learn what we are made of. Although it is very difficult to accept what he did to you, be grateful he did it now and not later, or worse yet after starting a family.
In the end, D@25, don’t allow this one person in all of the universe to have that much power over your life where he is the one deciding whether you are happy or not. That’s a lot of power to give one human being. He should not be the reason you get up in the morning nor the incentive for doing great things with your life. It takes a while to figure this out and to reach that place of complete acceptance but I promise you that you’ll get there. In the meantime, ride out the storm until you get through the stages of grief and are finally okay with what’s happened…”
I find this kindness from a stranger to be enormously comforting, I see the women before me, who have survived much more pain and I know I can safely follow behind them in this journey. I’m try to remember to be proud of myself. I have handled M., for the most part, with great kindness and care. I have responded to a great deal of disrespect, and to abuse and manipulations, with fairness and calmness. But most importantly, I set my boundaries, and when those boundaries were broken I followed through and divorced him. I haven’t been perfect, I have faltered, I have been afraid -I have been more afraid that I ever thought was quite possible. But ultimately, I stood up for myself, I loved myself more than I loved him.
Whenever new waves of pain come, I just hold tight, because I know they will pass, and I hold on to the people in my corner, the Team D@25, people who do love me and selflessly just want the best for me. This week has been a much better week, and I’m riding the wave of averageness until it ends. Then I will get through the pain, and do it all again, and again. Until one day I wake up and it doesn’t hurt anymore.