I recently started reading Chump Lady (www.chumplady.com) -CL, and making my way through the archive. I find her point of view refreshing, and makes me appreciate the fact that my relationship with M. collapsed in a matter of months and I did not spend years trying to make it work with him, playing the “humiliating dance of pick me”.
A lot of things have happened since my last update. M. finally got into town and we faced each other, and then things continued to go steadily downhill from there. In many way, the panic and the fear that I felt a month ago are but a whimper. They are like that constant sound of a ceiling fan, if you pay attention you will hear it, but you can also easily ignore it.